A Year of Time

Today is the 1st anniversary of my very last pregnancy.

I remember waking up after surgery and

being told again I would not be able to have any more children.

I remember at that point not crying just slight acceptance.

Then back to sleep I went.

Jeremy was with me .

As he always is.

I woke again and Jeremy holding my hand,

told me again just to

make sure I understood and was aware.

Jeremy would leave and take care of Braelyn and

I would sit there and think WHY?

I would say I was definitely bitter.

Then I would go to the,

If maybe I would have not done this or maybe if I

would have done that.

Maybe just Maybe this pregnancy would have worked.

I did it with all the other pregnancies.

Blaming myself.

It took me months to sift through

all the emotions.

Still today I catch myself.

I also think when I got home from the hospital that it was also

the last time my Dad was half way healthy before passing away

just 3 months later.

I would have to say it has been by far the hardest, the

most emotionally challenging and spiritually challenging

year of my life.

Months after that happened,

Braelyn said in a random comment,

"Remember Mommy when you died?"

Let me tell you I did feel like a part of me died that day.

But now it is the end of sadness and the beginning of a new life.

Going through the adoption process has brought up

a lot of emotion and sadness but has left me

feeling more healed and full of HOPE.

We are completely done with the adoption paperwork,

homestudyand interviews

as of today and

now are awaiting our certification.

We are so excited.

I can't believe we are now

here at this point.

It's amazing.....

What a year of time can do...